Caterpiller

1-03-09-M- So.. I'm starting the New Year off sick.. which should make Rick worry.. I have very little urge to eat. I'm hoping he's healthy and eating his way through several ill advised food choices. With little doubt.. Rick is more than likely at this moment working out and throwing out all the nasty foods in his cabinets. I didn't get on the scale today.. I know I should get on it every day to keep myself in check. But nothing is as depressing as starting your day off with the scale yelling at you.. Hey Fatso.. your breaking me. Looking at pictures of myself from a recent trip to see my family I cringe... staring back at me is the image of a middle aged fat woman. Clearly that can't be me but alas it is. I really liked the excuse well I have small kids at home and I eat what they eat. So much for that .. my babies are now a preteen and a teen. All of us have that handy list of reasons why we are fat. My job.. my family.. no time. it's boring .. my body aches afterwards.. etc.. etc.. Perhaps now it's time to embrace a list of reasons for doing it. Change the mind set and maybe.. just maybe the body will follow. Carl Jung once said "The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely." In order to create a new outside .. acceptance of who I am on the inside and where I am in life right now must come first. There is no magic carpet ride to the land of slim and swanky. This will be a marathon not a race. So while I still remain ever hopeful I'm also reflective and evolving as I type. I'm a Caterpillar. in my cocoon.. with any luck.. I'll be a butterfly not afraid to spread my wings and fly.